O.G.K.!

I will lie if I will say I'm ok because, I'm terribly depressed. Depressed, because until now I don't know  who am I to you and where I am placed in your heart, if ever there's any place left for me :( . I can't think appropriately.

There's a lot of mixed emotions bugging me right now, lot of what ifs, hesitations, cluelessness, rage, bitterness, love, hate and love (Did I mention love twice?). 

Everything is set for me to come home to PH. In a few weeks, I'll be seeing you after one year of being away from each other and a year after YOU called it quits. In a span of a year, a lot of things happened, lots of cries and heartache and moving ons (this, just from your side), a lot of SPECIAL someone's you've met, and one of them is now your partner.

I am not concern how our meeting will turn out, of course I'm wishing and praying it will be a  moment  that will define our future, but all I can say is I have this undefined excitement in me, for an unexplainable reason. Maybe it's me missing you so much and more importantly it's gonna be the time that I've waited all this long to explain personally and to ask for your forgiveness. I don't know what's in store for me or for both of us but I'm ready to face it no matter what. I know God will help us in the situation, if it's meant to be, I will forever be grateful as I know He's there to support us, if were not meant to be, I know He will help me move forward and help us find our way to be a better person for a new, deserving one.

Some personal notes on what happened this past few days:

I called you (3/23/11, my Wednesday morning) to know what's the deal with you and your partner and why you abruptly changed your Facebook relationship status  from "in a relationship" to "single". We discuss things and told me you might not see him on your Thursday dayoff and that you'll have to meet your "career" for dinner. You said you'd love AX and CK for me to bring you as pasalubong. Highlight of the day is when you 

kissed me on the phone "mwah!mwah!tsup!tsup!' ( kinda weird 'coz that's not the way I get used to when you're kissing me thru phone, nevertheless, still am grateful enuf).

You changed your status (3/26/11, Sat) back from "single" to "in a relationship". Yup, you and your partner are together again. No bitterness as that's what  I was expecting too. You texted me then that you've changed you FB status back to in a relationship "with God" so no one will bother you again. :)

I just found out today (3/29/11, my Tue) that aside from your partner, you also have a new fling, I don't know how serious you are to this new guy but you telling him " I Love You" rationalizes everything.

Sad, hurting, addicting? Yes, that's capital L-O-V-E. How long will I last? Only God knows...