I called him yesterday. Rest day kasi nya pag Huwebes (Manila time) kaya yun ung time na alam kong available sya na makipag usap ng mahaba. Im happy kc nakausap ko ulit sya, mejo maayos naman at positive ang naging topics namin, better than our last conversations, tumatawa na sya na sobrang na miss kong marinig in a long time, napapangiti ako pero nandun pa rin ang kirot sa puso ko na hindi alam kung nararamdaman nya sa kabilang linya ng telepono.
Masakit pa din daw tyan nya lagi, wawa naman :( baka kasi kung ano ano kinakain, e lagi pa namn sya sa carenderia malapit sa apartment nya sa Clark sya kumakain. If only I can help him :(
After ng kumustahan, I read to him my last post (3rd day post) I think he was playing Mariah song on the background ('Angel’s Cry' maybe or 'I can’t wait to hate you' or maybe '100%'). It’s a kind of relief na nasabi ko sa kanya ang lahat lahat ng pwede kong sabihin, about what I really feel and what’d happened to me last year after I admitted to him I was a married man.
I was still very sorry and told me he already forgave me - way, way back, when it was at least 1 month or two after he found out my real status.
Napag usapan din namin how we loved each other, how he said he was excited last year when he knew I will be coming back home for good on November, 2010.
Napag usapan namin ng konti ang kanyang bagong karelasyon, about sa taong pinag selosan nya nung nag sinungaling daw si jowa sa kanya, and that nalaman ko kung bakit sabi nya panget naman daw pero nagtaka ako kung bat nya mahal, e kaya naman PALA! :) and that he’s happy but not that much as compared to ours or his first relationship (btw, I was his 2nd) - i compare ba? :) Dko alam kung ikatutuwa ko un o hindi…
Also, nasabi nya na his Dad is in the Philippines right now from Australia, From what I know, he haven’t seen his estranged Dad for years and that his Dad and Mom had a “quite” not-so-happy moment when they visited him days ago. See, we were on the same boat on this situation, it’s just that I just recently reconnected with my estranged father and eventhough my dad is miles aways from me and my family, we’re catching up thru phone conversations and I am hoping for the best and I’m hoping the same for Baby boy and his Dad.
Going back to our conversation, it was quite a fun conversation and was kinda happy. Who am I to demand? I am just happy he is still want to engaged in our conversation and that he didn’t turn down my call. On my last post where it’d the last line quoted “Kaya Pa”. I asked him again reiterating the possibility of second chance and what was his answer if I was to ask him Sana sabihin mong “Kaya Pa”. Sabi nya ngayon na ba talaga kelangan sumagot, “agad-agad”? I immediately changed the topic as I don’t want to hear the next things he was gonna say. Its better to leave an open-ended question unanswered than hearing an answer that is a total opposite of what you expected.
After 1 and a half hour of conversation, operator on my phone card said “You have one minute remaining” telling me to scramble and squeeze every Iloveyous and “mahal na mahal kita” and ” Ingat ka lagi” phrases in one minute.
I said Imiss you and he said “I miss you too”.. EEiiiiieee… Hahaha kinilig naman ako dun but I don’t know if that is just really “I miss you because I have’nt seen or talked to u in a while” or “I miss you and YOUR “ultimate” LOVE” for me :0). Whatever it is, it made my day, CHOOSY pa ba ako? It was enough to know he still cares - kahit konti lang..
Ngayon 2/17/2011 in california and 2/18/2011 and by now nasa Clark na sya getting ready for work at SM Clark. After our conversation, I texted him about how I love him even more after hearing his voice again, and like 24 hours past, I haven’t received any replies to my text messages, maybe wala pa rin syang load (which of course I dont believe) or malamang nakokonsensya sya na ayaw nyang lokohin ang present ka-on nya as if texting me makes him cheating on him.. gulo no?
Oo ako rin naguguluhan e hehehe.. Dko alam kung kelan matatapos tong kabaliwan ko, only God knows.
Basta I set my mind starting this day na itetext ko sya on what I truly feels, kung gusto ko kumustahin sya, sabihing mahal na mahal ko sya, sabhing namimiss ko sya, sabhing mag iingat sya, kukumustahin sya sa work, or tell him I am worrying about him, but will not expect for him to response on any of them. By doing that, I’m teaching my self to be true to what I feel for him… any time.. any ways I can! I know I have to put this on stop, but who am I to refuse if my heart tells me to do so?..
Note: To chronicle my life’s and love’s journey and to refresh my memory in the future, I will be adding date stamps and locations (if applicable) related to every post including where I was during my conversation with him.
=============== TIME STAMPS ===============================
Location: Me: Gym Parking lot, San Leandro, CA. Baby boy: at their house
Time: Called him around 4:30 pm(Pacific Time)/ 8:30 (Manila Time)
Note: conversation lasted for about 1 hr and a half.
originally posted from my tumblr blog at 2/17/2011.
